Premise - The Enterprise is rushed from it's refit to intercept an alien probe that is on a direct course for Earth and is destroying everything in it's path. That sounds quite exciting doesn't it? Alien probes, destruction, a refitted Enterprise, so why is Star Trek: The Motion Picture so utterly boring and tedious? There are many reasons, the major problem seems to be director Robert Wise's attempt to make a space opera when what he should have been making was a solid action/sci-fi flick. Peppered throughout the movie are long, drawn out effects shots of various space craft docking here and flying there. Every five minutes another one seems to come along. This films want's soooooooo badly to be another 2001, but it fails miserably. Granted the effects are quite good, especially considering the age of the film. Star Wars employed similar use of motion tracking, but at least that had something, anything happening. At one point Scotty has to take Kirk to the Enterprise via shuttle. Kirk asks why the transporters aren't working. Scotty spouts some nonsense technobabble, but the audience knows the real reason why the transporters aren't working. It's so we can be treated to another lengthy effects shot of the shuttle taking forever to fly over to Enterprise, go all the way round the thing before finally docking! The ultimate in directorial self indulgence however comes when the Enterprise enters the alien probe. In a scene that must last for ten minutes we see the ship fly past several weird looking structures etc. No dialogue, no acting, just a spaceship flying about. The film was originally planned as a pilot for Star Trek: Phase 2. It was to be the next series of Star Trek, but after Star Wars busted the block it was quickly reshaped into a movie. Perhaps these numerous lengthy effects shots have been added to try and pad out a story that was originally intended to be only an hour long TV show? The film also feels incredibly dated. The velour jump suits that the crew are wearing just shouts late 70's at the audience. As do the dreadful synth laden sound effects. Shantner's wig looks like it might take your hand off if you get too close and Spock looks like he's been taking make-up tips from Joan Rivers. In-fact, Shatner's wig might be a better actor than the man himself. Outside of Kirk, Spock and Bones the rest of the crew are reduced to a couple of lines of dialogue and shaking about when the ship takes some punishment. The rest of the crew are even further down the pecking order than newcomers Decker and Ilia. The plot is beyond hokey. Sure it's sci-fi, but when the main story is some pseudo-mystical nonsense about an alien machine wanting to truly understand human emotion you have to draw a line. There are exactly two things I like about Star Trek: The Motion Picture. The Klingon battle at the beginning and the music that accompanies it and the transporter accident. That's it, the rest of the film is devoid of anything positive from where I'm standing. So what of the new fangled Directors Edition? Well, it's no better than the original that's for sure. Some scenes have been added, some removed. Some lines of dialogue have been removed and some special effects have been touched up and some new effects scenes added. At the end of the day you have to wonder why they bothered. If you're going to tinker with a film the aim should be to come out the other end with a better movie, not one that's as boring and tedious as the original. It should be noted that I am a huge Trek fan, I just hate this movie. If you want to see a good Trek flick go and rent Wrath Of Khan or First Contact.

2/10 for Star Trek The Motion Picture. Poster Quote - Star Trek: The No-Motion Picture.