Few can challenge the mighty Steven Seagal in the silly movie title stakes. Generic action movie titles are where Seagal feels most at home. We have seen the likes of – Above the Law, Hard to Kill, Marked for Death, Out for Justice, Under Siege (1&2), On Deadly Ground, Fire Down Below, Exit Wounds and Half Past Dead. Most have little bearing on the movies content and most have three words. Well brace yourself because now Seagal breaks new ground, a film title with four words! It’s still generic action nonsense though, but at least it sounds good when, during the trailer, voiceover man announces that ‘Steven Seagal is…….. Out…… for a Kill’.

I had no faith going into this film. Seagal has been on the downslide ever since Under Siege 2, with only the odd glimpse of the man that at one time challenged Stallone, Arnie and Bruce for the top action man crown. The man isn’t getting any younger, his waistline is growing by the second and his once tidy and slick ponytail has been replaced by a wiry looking mullet. It’s safe to say that a cheapo straight to DVD actioner from the team that brought us The Foreigner, Cyborg Cop 3 and Octopus 2 is not going to get Seagal’s career back on track.

Even if this was the best action thriller since Die Hard it would be hard to get Seagal back in the big time. So when the film turns out to be the WORST action thriller ever you have to say that the be-mulleted one has an uphill battle on his hands.

Let’s check off the things that are wrong with this film. First, Seagal has never been known for his acting abilities, but he dredges new depths here. A complete lack of emotion during the scene where his wife is murdered is just one of the low points. Seagal also never had any charisma to fall back on after his acting faltered. Instead he let his fists do the talking.

Yes, if there was any one thing that you could count on in a Seagal film (aside from a triple barrel generic action title) it was some pretty kick ass action. The man is a legitimate martial arts master and many of his fight scenes blew you away with their speed, style and ferocity. So, what happened? A couple of hundred Big Mac’s by the looks of things. His size is such that I can only assume that he can no longer physically handle complex and/or fast fight sequences. For the most part he is static, with his opponents kindly circling him.

It’s also clear that many of the films action shots have benefited from a stunt double. Many of the moves in the fight scenes are filmed in such a way that you never see Seagal’s face. They are either filmed from behind or in such an extreme close up that it could pretty much be anyone breaking that arm. When a man whose sole bread and butter was exciting and fast action scenes can no longer do them I would say it’s time to hang up the nunchucks.

The blame cannot simply lie at Seagal’s feet as amazingly he is the best thing in this film. Director Michael Oblowitz should just give up right now. Where to start…… How about unnecessary use of slow motion. Even simple dialogue scenes have slow motion. Why? Oblowitz also uses way too many jump cuts, no doubt to make up for the time spent in slow motion.

Some of the effects shots are just plain embarrassing. I almost wet myself when the dramatic music pipes up as the camera pans over a horribly obvious miniature which is supposed to represent an archaeological dig. Poor quality CGI skies are used frequently; clearly the real sky just wasn’t real enough. A completely lame bullet-time sequence conjures up more laughs than any Scary Movie pastiche could ever hope to invoke. The death of Seagal’s wife is devoid of emotion not only thanks to Seagal’s empty acting, but also thanks to the nasty CGI explosion.

The Chinese conglomerate sit round a table taken right out of an Austin Powers movie. The leader cackles, puffs on a cigar and dishes out ludicrous orders. Locations and times are shown on screen before EVERY scene, complete with a cheap computer beeping noise. At one point Seagal asks his assistant to read a name badge. Fair enough but A) It’s in English and B) Wouldn’t a world renowned archaeologist probably be able to read Chinese?

The script is nonsense and the whole film hooks on a crazy scheme that the conglomerate can be tracked by markings on their workers arms. Characters appear and disappear without warning. Most amusingly the token black rapper sidekick this time round is English (c)rapper MC Harvey from lame ‘posse’, So Solid Crew. I guess DMX/Ja Rule/Jay Z/Ludicrous/Busta Rhymes/Ice T/ wasn’t available.

Harvey has only two scenes. He is Seagal’s cell mate and they introduce themselves and Harvey goes on to describe his story. Only I guess Oblowitz didn’t think anyone would be interested and we fade to black before Harvey spits out his first sentence. We assume (not unfairly I would think) that we are about to see a flashback of his tale, but no, instead we move onto a completely different scene. Minutes later we see Seagal being released and he and Harvey embrace like soul mates, Harvey looks through the jail; bars and shouts, “Don’t forget me!”. I Guess Seagal didn’t hear him as he is never mentioned or seen again in the movie.